Cross dressing, sexuality and depression
As many of us have experienced, treating a chronic depressive state can be very challenging and frustrating, and change rarely happens quickly. Now and then, it is incredibly uplifting to see amazing changes happen within one or two sessions.
Andre came to my office ready to go to work on his issues. He told me he had been chronically depressed as long as he could remember. For years he had been on and off medication without finding much relief. He had contemplated suicide many times.
As soon as he sat down he told me he felt as if he was a female trapped in a male body. He was bi-sexual and had been married a couple of times. He told me he was a cross-dresser although throughout his marriages neither of his wives knew about this behavior. He mentioned that he really enjoyed making love with women, and had only experienced one homosexual relationship.
No one knew about the pain and shame that Andre lived with daily. His father was physically abusive, and had constantly told him he was stupid, useless and weak. He felt his father hated him, and his mother was emotionally and physically distant. He felt trapped and hopeless.
We started by rubbing the sore spot saying,
Even though I'm so ashamed and uncomfortable with the way I feel, I would like to love and accept myself anyway.
Even though I've felt this way as long as I can remember.
Even though I'm embarrassed about my secret life.
We then started tapping on:
I'm so uncomfortable and ashamed of feeling like a woman.
But I don't want to be a woman, I want to be a man.
I'm alone and feel life is too difficult for me.
It's sheer hell feeling ambiguous about my sexuality, but most angels appear androgynous so perhaps I'm in good company.
This surprised him, so I explained that was the way I saw angels when I was doing psychic readings. It brought a big smile to his face.
We continued tapping:
Even though I enjoy cross-dressing, I really enjoy good sex with women. He nodded his head in agreement.
If I'm going to be a cross-dresser I would much rather be comfortable with it.
Well-balanced people have both a masculine and feminine side to them.
I am a very gentle man with a well-developed female side.
Many wonderful women have a well-developed masculine side.
Perhaps I'm more balanced than I realized.
Whatever my choices, I would love to be at peace with them so I can enjoy life and be more productive.
Andre left the session with a very different energy than he arrived with.
At his next appointment he told me he had experienced the best week of his life. He didn't feel depressed and was looking forward to positive change. I asked Andre, "What does being a man mean to you?" His reply was that it meant being angry and abusive. Although this image was the one he had about his father, he intellectually understood that this description did not apply to all men.
Andre was very emotional when talked about never being allowed to express his anger. He had been terrified of displeasing his father, and so had stuffed all of his own anger at the injustice he had had to endure. We tapped on:
I am so angry at the way my father treated me.
He called me stupid and weak like a girl.
He beat me every time he got angry.
We did the Movie Technique and collapsed intensity around a few specific incidents of abuse. Then we continued with a few rounds clearing and releasing his anger.
I wanted and needed to answer back, but I was so scared that I just stuffed it.
Even though I'm so angry, it's safe now for me to release it.
I don't want to ever be like my father.
My father is an angry bully.
Not all men are angry and mean.
I don't have to be like my father if I decide to enjoy my masculinity.
I do enjoy being a man and making wonderful love with women.
Perhaps I'm more masculine than I think I am.
Although I still have some anger in me, it's safe to release it energetically.
I am reframing the way I think and feel about being male.
I can choose to be a gentle man.
I can choose whether I want to cross-dress or not from a place of clarity, and not based on my old beliefs.
My old decisions based on the fear of being like my father, don't apply any more.
I can enjoy who I am, whatever my decisions are.
I am gentle and loving.
Coming to terms with the idea of being a man who embraced his feminine side was very empowering to Andre. He had lived his whole life hating his father yet still needing his approval, not able to be the macho little boy his father wanted him to be. He now realized that even if he had been more rough and tumble as a child, his father still would have been abusive.
As he talked about his father at the end of our second session, he no longer held on to that anger and hate. He accepted the fact that his father had been damaged by physical abuse when he was a child, and as an adult re-enacted the same behavior.
Andre talked to me a couple of months later about the changes he was continuing to experience. He had not completely given up cross-dressing, but now on the odd occasion when he did it, he did not feel guilty and dirty.
Although he had not yet found anyone to date when we last spoke, he was feeling more confident and social, and was looking forward to attracting a new woman into his life. His latest e-mail said that when he visited his family in France they were astounded at the change in him. He had a tolerable (not wonderful) visit with them, which was better than he had ever had in the past, and his lifelong depression had gone.
This extraordinary life change in such a short period of time gives us yet another glimpse of everything being made possible with EFT.